Summary: The average cost of a wedding in Australia is between $36,000 and $65,000. Then there are the costs of rings, engagement parties, bucks and hens nights, honeymoons, and all the other trappings that go with getting married according to current social norms. But do the benefits of meeting social and family expectations around marriage and its celebration justify the costs given that:
- The more couples dish out on weddings and engagement rings the shorter their marriages
- Most couples end up spending much more money, time, effort and stress on marriage ceremonies and rituals than expected. Often they regret it later
- All of the expensive aspects of marriage and its celebration are entirely optional and driven by profit-seeking industries
- In Australia, de facto couples have identical legal rights to married couples in every way and it is now quite common for long-term couples to never get married, even those who have children
- There is often a significant cost burden placed on family and friends which they may feel obligated to meet but quietly resent
- There is no real connection between the expense of a celebration and how enjoyable or memorable it is. The simplest and smallest celebrations are often the best
- You can easily separate the process of getting legally married and obtaining a certificate from the way you choose to celebrate with family and friends. In Australia, each state conducts legal ceremonies for a few hundred dollars. But when, where and how you really celebrate is up to you.
- The yearly investment return (whether $500 or $5000) on the large amount saved can be used indefinitely to enhance your own relationship as well as with family and friends. Including creating a nicer home environment, spending more time together, hosting get-togethers, food and drink, going out for special dinners, or more regular visits and family holidays.
In this post, I will collate articles that explain why it's worth saving money on meeting marriage norms and how the money and energy can be better invested in closer, lasting relationships.
Details:
1. Is there really a choice between spending $50,000 for a single day or $2,500 per year for the rest of your life on your relationships?
Yes, the standard approach on this blog is to encourage people to save unnecessary expenses early and then dedicate the annual return on the savings to better meeting that need indefinitely.
If you save $50,000 on a conventionally-expensive wedding, rings, parties and honeymoon, you can keep it invested at a 5% return and simply spend $2,500 every year on various things that genuinely enhance your own relationship as well as your connection with family and friends.
This could include:
- Improvements to the comfort or utility of your home
- Going out for meals with your partner or paying for leisure activities (movies, theatre, etc)
- Being able to afford to work less and spend more time together
- Hosting get-togethers with family and friends
- Being able to visit family and friends more often
- Subsidising the visit of family and friends to your town (e.g. helping pay for their accommodation)
- Being able to go on more holidays with your partner and family
Of course, you don't have to spend the exact investment return each year. You might choose to save it up for a few years for a bigger expense - like an overseas trip. Nevertheless, it is important you do actually spend money on relationships. The reason for saving money on weddings and marriage norms is because you find it low-value in the long run. The aim is to find better value, longer-lasting ways to invest in relationships.
Also, this doesn't only apply if the saving is around $50,000. Even saving $10,000 will net you at least $500 a year, every single year. And, of course, the $10,000 is still there as a lump sum that could be used eventually for a major expense like buying a home.
2. Recommended articles on weddings and conventional marriage norms that unnecessarily waste money, effort and stress
The Guardian
> Princess for a day
Salon
> The marriage industrial complex
BBC
> A marriage made in hell?
PBS
> Why spending less on your wedding could save your marriage
Further Info:
MoneySmart
> How much can a wedding cost?
> Cheap wedding ideas
Canstar
> What does a wedding cost?
ABC News
> Fact check: Are de facto relationships more unstable than marriages?
Births Deaths and Marriages Victoria
> Marriages
The Simple Dollar
> 20 Ideas for a Frugal (Not Cheap) Wedding on a Budget
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